Announced online on March 25th I wondered why? Why debut the Pizza Hut Ultimate Hershey’s Chocolate Chip Cookie now? Are we celebrating the changing of the season a month late to parallel the earth-in-crisis weather experienced in Sydney? Is this a feeble attempt at a sweet autumnal dish? Could this be a chocolate/Easter tie-in? As a keen fan of variety it’s unfortunate most of these posts have been centered around Pizza Hut, but they’re the only fast-food joint brave enough to churn out limited time only specials frequently.

Online the Ultimate Hershey’s Chocolate Chip Cookie is nestled between soft drinks and large oven baked chips in the extras column. Coincidentally their hero shot of this monstrosity is delicately bestowed upon the holy wooden board (torn baking paper and all, so now), beside a glass of both lemonade and coke. Three arrive at my door (that’s 18,876kj for $28.40) and the scent of cooking chocolate fills my home. It measures 19cm wide, significantly smaller than the usual Pizza Hut pizza with more calories than most savoury offerings in their range, minus the iota of nutritional value of scant vegetables at least a supreme pizza would provide.

The flavour? Sugar. The texture? Gritty sugar. I’ve never consumed anything so sugary. The pieces are soft, around 1cm thick, and crumble the moment you attempt to lift them from their aluminium home. I’m well familiar with the supple bite of a soft Mrs Field’s cookie or the unfathomable chewy stretch of some Momofuku alchemy, but this a whole new genre of biscuit I’m coining sugar mush. Not even dedicated years of cryeating nor all of my miserable unhealthy food conquests combined will even compare to the enormous malnourishing zero-return in this “cookie”. All the calories, none of the perks. No flavour, just sugar. I can still feel the granules clinging to my teeth after a liberal bowl of olives to cleanse myself afterwards. I read a comment stating it’s “great with ice cream” – I hurl ice cubes at the thing in immature retaliation, some leaves from nearby shrubbery don’t go astray either.

Pizza Hut’s Ultimate Hershey’s Chocolate Chip Cookie is akin to the sloppy romance of chocolate covered strawberries or sparkling wine in the bedroom. It reminds me of men who are exclusively into women in g-bangers, and exclusively talk to their mates about women in g-bangers, womanising loudly. It is a loathsome, offensive brute disguised in a pious white box. Can somebody please post one of these to I Quit Sugar HQ and watch world World War III erupt? Hurl one at paleo Pete Evans and maybe his face will melt off like the Wicked Witch of the West. Some men just want to watch the world burn. I tug my hypothetical collar awkwardly just thinking of the children who will be subjected to this disgusting thing. I try a piece that had been refrigerated for a few hours and I reel back and swear louder than usual – still bad, just hard.

“1. Do not microwave. You and the cookie deserve better” declares a Pizza Hut’s social media on March 30th. Do you yourself a favour: Do not consume, if in the presence of said cookie place into the nearest garbage receptacle immediately. There’s something to be said about cryeating, but if this cookie arrives in your company abort immediately for the good of both your physical and mental wellbeing, for the love of God, lest you wish to be transcended to hell and back in a few mere bites.

Pizza Hut's Ultimate Hershey's Chocolate Chip CookiePizza Hut's Ultimate Hershey's Chocolate Chip CookiePizza Hut's Ultimate Hershey's Chocolate Chip CookiePizza Hut's Ultimate Hershey's Chocolate Chip CookiePizza Hut's Ultimate Hershey's Chocolate Chip CookiePizza Hut's Ultimate Hershey's Chocolate Chip CookiePizza Hut's Ultimate Hershey's Chocolate Chip CookiePizza Hut's Ultimate Hershey's Chocolate Chip CookiePizza Hut's Ultimate Hershey's Chocolate Chip CookiePizza Hut's Ultimate Hershey's Chocolate Chip CookiePizza Hut's Ultimate Hershey's Chocolate Chip CookiePizza Hut's Ultimate Hershey's Chocolate Chip CookiePizza Hut's Ultimate Hershey's Chocolate Chip CookiePizza Hut's Ultimate Hershey's Chocolate Chip Cookie

Tags: , ,

I promise this is not a parody.

I had written a long-winded and piece about brown food, irrelevant garnishes, people who content-churn, posting for the likes and what it means for the definition of “real food”, but, it was too reminiscent of old man yells at cloud so it’s been archived into a “things to complain about later” file. Emerging from my literacy stupor I think I was trying to celebrate brown food and announce that not everything needs to be brightly coloured or highly stylised to be wonderful. Join me as I bask in the stupid serenity of my brown dining table and brown dessert. It’s Autumn, after all.

The moistness (hah) may vary depending on the size of your baking tray or loaf of bread (I used a rather large one on both counts) – you may have a little custard mix left over, or if you wanna get real juicy serve it with a little cream or ice cream on the side. Enjoy the brown food and share it with your pals. For a smaller version with stale bread and fruit, here’s a recipe for bread and butter sourdough pudding with sugarplums.

Bread and Nutella Pudding
1 loaf brown bread
400g Nutella (or more for the lavish)
600ml milk
600ml cream
260g sugar
8 eggs
1 tsp cinnamon
Good grating of fresh nutmeg

1. Preheat oven to 180°C. Slice most of your bread into generous slices, then depending on the size of the loaf, halve them. You can arrange them in your baking dish of choice to check you have enough.
2. Slather that bread with as much Nutella as you please. Make it thick. Arrange the bread into the dish, trying to sandwich the bread so that most of the Nutella has been covered on the surface (otherwise the Nutella will burn).
3. For the custard mixture whisk together milk, cream, eggs, sugar and cinnamon. Grate the nutmeg straight in the bowl. Pour over the bread – if it’s stale allow to stand for an hour, if it’s supple and fresh it’s good to go after 15 minutes or so. Tear the remainder of your bread into small pieces and fit them into the crevices of the dish, ensuring they are well coated in custard. Add a few extra decadent dollops of Nutella if you like.
4. Once bread is drenched and ready, give the bread one last push into the dish and bake in the oven for around 45-50 minutes. When ready (a skewer inserted comes out relatively clean, or push it down with a spatula – if no juice emerges all is well) sprinkle with icing or snow sugar and serve immediately.

Bread and Nutella PuddingBread and Nutella PuddingBread and Nutella PuddingBread and Nutella PuddingBread and Nutella PuddingBread and Nutella PuddingBread and Nutella PuddingBread and Nutella PuddingBread and Nutella PuddingBread and Nutella PuddingBread and Nutella Pudding

Tags: ,

In an attempt to lift and salvage this “blog” from its near parody state here is some recent work from Flying Fish and Little Fish in Pyrmont, Sydney – a few offerings from their Summer gin bar and new Autumn menu by the incredible team. If you can’t tell I’m also attempting to reduce the file size of my images for the sake of website health, so gross, but here we are. Transeasonal and optimised for web without a hint of irony.

Flying Fish, PyrmontFlying Fish, PyrmontFlying Fish, PyrmontFlying Fish, PyrmontFlying Fish, PyrmontFlying Fish, PyrmontFlying Fish, PyrmontFlying Fish, PyrmontFlying Fish, PyrmontFlying Fish, PyrmontFlying Fish, PyrmontFlying Fish, PyrmontFlying Fish, PyrmontFlying Fish, PyrmontFlying Fish, PyrmontFlying Fish, PyrmontFlying Fish, Pyrmont

Tags: , , ,

I often wonder what life would be like if I moved to Melbourne. I suppose it would be the same business as in Sydney: instead of burgers bespoke doughnuts are the trend de jour and instead of Sydney Festival’s Higher Ground a plethora of locals are taking selfies on Carsten Höller’s Golden Mirror Carousel at the NGV. “Why won’t these people just live in the moment?!” I scream interally, as I snapchat every single friend the specifics of my hotel room and instagram the magnificent pool, a smattering of self-indulgence and hypocrisy spilling out of me.

Only an hour after arriving, a proposed detox from my usual routine, I exploded into stress personified at a South Melbourne cafe – shaking hands, unfathomably restless legs, all the trimmings – and why? Because I was seated at the bar, facing a wall, beneath an orange light, which we all know to be instagram suicide. Since when did life get so hard? And why did I find a bone in this sea bream sashimi? Why won’t that restaurant I like take reservations for dinner and where the hell is my lobster roll? I can’t download Tram Tracker because my iPhone storage is full. Oh My God.

Every morning it’s the same mild existential crisis, but today I’m alive in a different state, the promised land for the creative, yet somehow my mind isn’t soothed.

I’m not working yet I’ll take a camera and point it at literally everything out of habit, expecting each frame to appear in the viewfinder as a Frankie-worthy piece of art, instead it’s all meaningless symmetry, just like at home, a weird reminder of my first-world job I can’t seem to switch off from. The white sky mirrors my blandness, I’m taking photos of some nice looking succulents on the street for some reason.

I often wonder what life would be like if I moved to Melbourne, I’ll open a successful pop-up exploiting the street food of my ancestors, my photography and copywriting skills will be put to excellent use, online press will talk about me until I’m the latest trend and my UrbanSpoon percentage will plummet due to everyone’s unfairly high expectations. But it’s ok, because the streets are wide and the taxis are comically yellow. Haha, so cute. But realistically, instead of visiting neat small bars and wholesome eateries with kind friends I’d most likely mimic my Sydney self, at my worst falling into a comfortable and unfortunate routine of staring into the eternal splash screen of Menulog.com.au, wondering how I came to reach my lowest common denominator self once again, but at least this time there will be a different view outside of my window.

How To Enjoy Melbourne IIHow To Enjoy Melbourne IIHow To Enjoy Melbourne IIHow To Enjoy Melbourne IIHow To Enjoy Melbourne IIHow To Enjoy Melbourne II
How To Enjoy Melbourne IIHow To Enjoy Melbourne IIHow To Enjoy Melbourne IIHow To Enjoy Melbourne IIHow To Enjoy Melbourne IIHow To Enjoy Melbourne IIHow To Enjoy Melbourne IIHow To Enjoy Melbourne IIHow To Enjoy Melbourne IIHow To Enjoy Melbourne IIHow To Enjoy Melbourne IIHow To Enjoy Melbourne IIHow To Enjoy Melbourne IIHow To Enjoy Melbourne IIHow To Enjoy Melbourne IIHow To Enjoy Melbourne IIHow To Enjoy Melbourne IIHow To Enjoy Melbourne IIHow To Enjoy Melbourne IIHow To Enjoy Melbourne IIHow To Enjoy Melbourne IIHow To Enjoy Melbourne IIHow To Enjoy Melbourne IIHow To Enjoy Melbourne IIHow To Enjoy Melbourne IIHow To Enjoy Melbourne IIHow To Enjoy Melbourne II

Places of (food) interest: The Kettle Black, Supernormal, New Gold Mountain, Kokoro, Om Nom, Pop Up Scroll, Grand Trailer Park Taverna, Two Row

Tags: , , , , ,

A great job involving a road trip down the coast of Australia fell through last minute this week so instead of sitting at home disappointed I decided to embark on the first leg I had planned out anyway. Although bovine dense topography is abundant there are plenty of gems to be uncovered in NSW’s small coastal towns – however things close early and don’t always trade everyday (which I learnt the hard way), google might be your best friend when planning a drive a few hours south. This post only skims the surface.

The first stop, excluding a perverse intermission at a Gerringong lookout, is to Berry to visit the relentlessly instagrammed Famous Berry Doughnut Van. Entering venues with zero expectations is my default setting yet somehow this van in shining armour was everything I had hoped for and more. The warm pillowy fried-to-order donuts laced with cinnamon sugar were the epitome of what I loved about growing up in the western suburbs of Sydney, the alluring scent of Donut King in a local Westfield is one of my earliest and fondest memories – except these were tremendously better with no Quake Shake in sight. The humble cinnamon donut has finally been elevated to what it should be. Mangos, cherries and plums being were sold by the box across the short fence next door.

Back into the car and after fields and paddocks of cows and corn I arrive at Greenwell Point, home of possibly Australia’s most awesome mate, Jim of Jim Wild’s Oyster Service, discovered via Sophie. I could dedicate an entire post to his operation: loud shirt, huge mo’ and shucking oysters to order by the dozen from his teal shack, insisting I take a photo with him, not of him. Order a plate and take a seat by the Crookhaven River with a view of the serene oyster farms. The area is incredible, the bone dry ruins of shellfish of the past lying in shackling buckets amongst faded machinery and creaky palettes. Turn left at the Greens Road fork to find him.

After some more cow spotting my next destination is HopDog Beerworks. At their brewery and cellar door  you can enjoy a chalice of their latest and freshest offerings amongst fermenters and barrel-ageing brews. The brewers are more than happy to provide live tasting notes, their paddle a very reasonable $9.

I drive toward Sydney via Berry again and visit Milkwood Bakery, the busiest cafe on the street, their shelves dotted with sourdough and quaint cakes. I grab a watermelon juice after feeling particularly, ah, “dehydrated” from my HopDog experience and head to The Berry Bottle Shop / Justin Lill Wines, a store heaving with tipples and highly rated rare beers, both international and local. Another purchase, another Queen Street stroll and sadly things are closing shop – a nearby deli denies the privilege of a sandwich for the day but Milkwood is on the way to the car and I find solace in a lamington to share, soft and generous with chocolate. I spy a traditional takeaway flaunting “GLUTEN FREE OPTIONS” amongst the usual Coca-Cola paraphernalia – a sad sign of the times. The drive home turns wet and I park at Bombo Beach for a break, watching surfers amongst a bleak horizon, my shoes becoming matted with damp sand as I awkwardly clomp by the water.

Getting peckish I detour to Bulli for a beachside burger but unfortunately, again, the “grills have been switched off” at only 5:30, another early closer in the area. Undeterred and by the power of the internet I lay internet eyes upon Bergie’s Fish Cafe in Thirroul (who knew UrbanSpoon would be useful for something?), a venue divided: a casual restaurant and takeaway, the former being closed for Valentines Day only reservations. Two burgers and some fantastic chips are ordered instead and are enjoyed amongst the facade of the takeaway area, barely avoiding the rain. The “gourmet” flour dusted bun reminds me of a simpler time before the Great Sydney Burger Wars of 2014-present.

Driving across the Sea Cliff Bridge is an undeniably breathtaking route back to Sydney, boasting one of the widest views of the edge of the country in NSW, but good luck trying to take photos from a fast moving car. In fact ditch the camera entirely and enjoy the day, embracing it with your eyes and everything, not through a lousy lens. Do as I say, not as I do.

South Coast, New South WalesSouth Coast, New South WalesSouth Coast, New South WalesSouth Coast, New South WalesSouth Coast, New South WalesSouth Coast, New South WalesSouth Coast, New South WalesSouth Coast, New South WalesSouth Coast, New South WalesSouth Coast, New South WalesSouth Coast, New South WalesSouth Coast, New South WalesSouth Coast, New South WalesSouth Coast, New South WalesSouth Coast, New South WalesSouth Coast, New South WalesSouth Coast, New South WalesSouth Coast, New South WalesSouth Coast, New South WalesSouth Coast, New South WalesSouth Coast, New South WalesSouth Coast, New South WalesSouth Coast, New South WalesSouth Coast, New South WalesSouth Coast, New South WalesSouth Coast, New South WalesSouth Coast, New South WalesSouth Coast, New South WalesSouth Coast, New South WalesSouth Coast, New South WalesSouth Coast, New South WalesSouth Coast, New South WalesSouth Coast, New South WalesSouth Coast, New South WalesSouth Coast, New South WalesSouth Coast, New South WalesSouth Coast, New South WalesSouth Coast, New South WalesSouth Coast, New South WalesSouth Coast, New South WalesSouth Coast, New South WalesSouth Coast, New South WalesSouth Coast, New South WalesSouth Coast, New South WalesSouth Coast, New South WalesSouth Coast, New South WalesSouth Coast, New South WalesSouth Coast, New South WalesSouth Coast, New South WalesSouth Coast, New South WalesSouth Coast, New South WalesSouth Coast, New South Wales

Tags: , , , , , , , ,

World Nutella Day Roast Chicken

I realise I’m a few days late, but I just couldn’t live with myself if I didn’t share my very own World Nutella Day recipe with you all! This one is a real treat, decadent lashings of nutella oozing over a hot roast chook, smothered in whipped cream and adorned with chopped bananas and 100s and 1000s, all served beside a glass of cool refreshing milk! It’s the type of casual yet luxurious roast best shared with friends at the table (the drumsticks dipped in additional Nutella will make a fun snack for the kids). Use your imagination and add scoops of ice cream and glacé cherries to create a chook banana sundae. Carve that chicken amongst friends. Hack the carcass. Allow the canned whipped cream pool onto your dining table, the indignity of the coloured 100s and 1000s spilling together. Let it stand there for hours, a confused shrine to both dinner and forced food holidays, melting and seeping and decaying in the midday sun. Edible flowers and a red and white striped straw will make anything appetising again. They are our saviour.

You needn’t wait for World Nutella Day 2016 to make this happen, get roasting ASAP for your next show stopper of a dinner party – douse your chook in milk, smear it with chocolate hazelnut spread, keel over and and cry and rejoice. Happy World Nutella Day!

World Nutella Day Roast Chook
1 roast chicken (prepare your own or pick up one from your local deli/supermarket)
250g Nutella
1 can whipped cream
2 bananas, chopped into slices
100s and 1000s
500ml milk
Edible flowers, to serve

Prepare your whole roast chook on a serving platter or wooden board. Slightly warm the cup of nutella and pour liberally over the chicken. Garnish with florettes of whipped cream, add banana slices and sprinkle over 100s and 1000s. Serve beside a jug of milk and adorn with edible flowers and red and white striped straws (optional). Carve at the table with friends and enjoy!

World Nutella Day Roast ChickenWorld Nutella Day Roast ChickenWorld Nutella Day Roast ChickenWorld Nutella Day Roast ChickenWorld Nutella Day Roast ChickenWorld Nutella Day Roast ChickenWorld Nutella Day Roast ChickenWorld Nutella Day Roast Chicken

Tags: , , ,

Australia Day is to fast food outlets as Valentine’s Day is to Hallmark, let’s ca$h in on this! From Australiana cultural cliché on steroids, or it’s irony-shrouded gentrified cousin what I’ve coined RSL Chic™ (gourmet meat trays, pop-up drive in movies, the resurgence of Shane Warne, etc) bursts forth Pizza Hut’s Mitey Stuffed Crust, a pizza with a crust stuffed with cheese and our finest export, Vegemite. Immaculate art direction sees slices of this pizza branded with miniature Australian flags before backdrops of green and gold splattered all over the Pizza Hut Australia Facebook page, and surely an art graduate who’s soul has been ravaged by the advertising world has envisioned these slices lumped together to form a greasy rendition of the Opera House sails. Here are some backpackers cringing at the taste of this thing soundtracked to didgeridoo playing, two Australian guys claiming it’s “nice” as an edgy coda with even more green and gold. “Made for Australia”? Cool cultural identity, let’s run with that.

Today all the on-point cafés of Australia are instagramming their bespoke Australia Day goods; lamington cronuts, pavlova cocktails and kangaroo pies are rolled out just for the occasion. Pizza Hut have instead developed a pizza aimed at either kind families with young children wanting to try something different, or a pizza absolutely perfect for casual racists. “Prosciutto? Not on my pizza!”

Target demographic aside, it’s honestly not that bad. I opt for a straight up cheese pizza and while it arrives as a greasy puddle of mess the crust is the best part; the cheese so generous in the stuffed crust it can literally be extracted like a thick snotty strand (pictured), however the Australia Day version of a Valentine’s Day card it is not. “I could easily improve this”, I think to myself, eyes glazed over, as I smash a lamington over the top of what remains of the pizza (most of it) with the heel of my hand. It’s drizzled liberally with beer and that garlic bread to make up the minimum delivery fee makes a torn appearance as well. The dish is then finished with lashings of gaudy green, gold and navy tinsel. Grouse. A marked improvement, and I laugh and laugh and laugh to myself for a few minutes until I realise I need to clean up this enormous mess off my floor.

This pizza represents my shirtless, inconsiderate Sunday-Seshing neighbours.
This pizza represents those Triple J Hottest 100 announcers praising “their boy Chef Faker” for “taking it home”.
This pizza represents all the unironic “Bowling Shane” comments on Warnie’s instagram account.
This pizza represents all those $24.99 on pick up with bonus Viennetta offers of the times of yore.
This pizza represents Ken Done’s small fortune.
This pizza represents the illusive Green and Gold Gaytime I can never seem to find.

Dear Pizza Hut: try harder next time.

Pizza Hut Mitey Stuffed CrustPizza Hut Mitey Stuffed CrustPizza Hut Mitey Stuffed CrustPizza Hut Mitey Stuffed CrustPizza Hut Mitey Stuffed CrustPizza Hut Mitey Stuffed CrustPizza Hut Mitey Stuffed CrustPizza Hut Mitey Stuffed CrustPizza Hut Mitey Stuffed CrustPizza Hut Mitey Stuffed Crust

Tags: , , , ,

Stunning things happen when Nordic influence meets Japan in Sydney’s newest cafe in Darlinghurst. More words (not mine) on Broadsheet!

Edition Coffee Roasters, DarlinghurstEdition Coffee Roasters, DarlinghurstEdition Coffee Roasters, DarlinghurstEdition Coffee Roasters, DarlinghurstEdition Coffee Roasters, DarlinghurstEdition Coffee Roasters, DarlinghurstEdition Coffee Roasters, DarlinghurstEdition Coffee Roasters, DarlinghurstEdition Coffee Roasters, DarlinghurstEdition Coffee Roasters, DarlinghurstEdition Coffee Roasters, DarlinghurstEdition Coffee Roasters, DarlinghurstEdition Coffee Roasters, DarlinghurstEdition Coffee Roasters, DarlinghurstEdition Coffee Roasters, Darlinghurst

Tags: , , ,

I promise it’s only coincidental my recent disgust with both my physical health and appearance has emerged on the first day of this year. I’m yet to splurge on a January Gym Membership but the copious amounts of whole foods in my fridge speak louder than perverse faux-spirational social media posts ever could. Despite this, a heart full of aspirations and a head bursting with shredded brussels sprout recipes had not hindered my curiosity surrounding Pizza Hut’s Doritos Crunchy Crust pizza.

A caveat: pizza is my least favourite fast food. Long story short, it made me vom as a kid and has left me subconsciously scarred and discriminatory against tomato sauce.

Anyway, despite my 2015 hopes and dreams for A Better Me™ I was delighted by the thought of enjoying a true slice of modern Americana, a campaign backed food and brand mash-up in my own home. Slowly but surely I felt the fedora descending on my head as my cursor hovered over a BBQ Meatlovers Doritos Crunchy Crust Pizza as well as a serve of Double Choc Cookie Shots to make up the additional few dollars of minimum delivery. “This had better be the best $25 I’ve ever spent”, I proudly declare to Facebook, relishing in the self-aware irony of a #foodie ordering a fad #pizza online and attempting to rid myself grubby feels. Likes began rolling in as I research what I’d just ordered: “As you bite into the crust you’ll be blown away by the crunch – it’s not only seriously loud, but delicious.” 20 minutes later, much like that fateful night when I was seven years old, the delivery guy raps at my door. This time there were no voms, just expectations of mind-blowing aural aesthetics.

Navigating the delicate topography of this pizza… it tastes exactly like a usual BBQ meatlovers pizza. Where are the brain crushing acoustics? Where are all the Doritos I was promised? The grandeur of immaculate lashings of cheesy crisps has been replaced by a minuscule amount of burnt crackers barely crowding the rim of my pizza. What the hell, Pizza Hut? The outer diameter tastes like a 50c cheese melt from the school canteen, but burnt. Nostalgic, but inappropriate. The dual textured delight of molten mozzarella and crunchy Doritos covered in cheddar fell flat – if that Apple / young-startup keynote inspired advert is anything to go by then this is the iPhone 6 Plus of pizzas. A severe letdown. Oh, and those Double Choc Cookie Shots? They look like just the turd emoji, and tasted, without sounding too much like a disgruntled Urbanspoon user attempting to describe a lacklustre coffee again, burnt.

As I remove what remains in the pizza box to a more appropriate receptacle, the slices reveal my greasy, pizza horoscope – a bloated figure trapped within a rounded frame. Story of my 2014? Maybe, but hopefully not a premonition of 2015.

In the cruel light of day the next morning I send a message to my brother offering the rest of the pizza sitting in the fridge – “I have two slices left if you want them, or else they’re going in the bin”. Hours later he arrives, hot, starving, craving leftovers. “This crust is amazing”, sighs the student-who-lives-out-of-home, “so much better than the last hotdog and cheeseburger crusts, they were disgusting“.

Maybe it wasn’t that bad after all? Have I lost touch with my junk food appreciation roots? Are my cries of joy surrounding fried things, oily things and sugar-laden things all just a farce?! Maybe the part of myself that exists as a sad girl Tumblr-esque snackcore scenester claiming a stake in the bachelor frog game is but a facade hiding the disgusting reality I’m not as scandalously gross as I often make out to be, in my yuppie home, on my yuppie iMac, surrounded by my yuppie things. Has the Dyson lifestyle ruined me?

That being said, when my brother arrived expecting two pizza slices there was only one left – I claimed it was “for science”, “for research!”, but deep down I knew I wanted to get that soggy burnt cheese in and around my mouth to savour the flavour, once again perpetually stuck, like so many of us are, oscillating between self-loathing and the person we want to be.

Pizza Hut Doritos Crunchy CrustPizza Hut Doritos Crunchy CrustPizza Hut Doritos Crunchy CrustPizza Hut Doritos Crunchy Crust
Pizza Hut Doritos Crunchy CrustPizza Hut Doritos Crunchy CrustPizza Hut Doritos Crunchy CrustPizza Hut Doritos Crunchy CrustPizza Hut Doritos Crunchy CrustPizza Hut Doritos Crunchy CrustPizza Hut Doritos Crunchy CrustPizza Hut Doritos Crunchy CrustPizza Hut Doritos Crunchy Crust

Tags: , , ,

Miso Banoffee Tart

HATE MAIL, GUYS. Am I right? You know those inconsiderate messages that crop up on occasion from people you’ve never met to tell you your photos are bad or your macaron recipe sucks? So invigorating, so inspiring – more enjoyable than an on-trend Sydney burger and a rare #craft #beer on a breezy Summer’s day.

Hahah jkz, I’m projecting, it’s uncomfortable and makes me sad. But after said sadness subsides those comments often make me laugh and thankfully I don’t encounter enough of them to break my gentle heart. This miso banoffee recipe was recently created for Visa AU to share across their social channels of 17 million fans which is both beautiful and horrifying – I was literally a sponsored tweet. With the acclaim of many likes and shares comes the occasional “looks disgusting lol” comment, sending me into a tailspin of offline self-reflection for a good 5 minutes. Spreading your wings on the internet and watching them burn is the plight of the content creator yet, like many, I continue to bless this mess that has become my internet home.

Moving forward (not backward, upwards not forward), let’s deconstruct this salted mashup. Inspired by a tremendous miso caramel shake from Milkbar by Cafe Ish in Redfern I replaced all salted notions with miso paste. So umami! So exotic. It even almost falls into the Donna Hay-esque cheat’s recipe category: store bought biscuits and caramel make this too easy. Miso makes it taste fancy and edible flowers make it look fancy. Smoke and mirrors, except it actually makes for a decent dessert. Once stacked let the whipped cream inspire you as a blank canvas just waiting for embellishment of whatever you see fit. Depending on the size of your tart ring this recipe may make a little too much – but if that’s the case you can create a deconstructed version by layering each element in a parfait glass with the leftovers.

I’m posting this a day after new year’s, so hurl your fleeting resolution of eating well out the window and get on this tart. Somebody in the comments announced they’d made it once and are making it again for friends shortly. Great internet success!

Miso Banoffee PieMiso Banoffee TartMiso Banoffee TartMiso Banoffee TartMiso Banoffee TartMiso Banoffee Tart

Miso Banoffee Tart
400g digestive biscuits
200g butter
2x tins Top n’ Fill Caramel (or, 2 tins condensed milk turned into dulce de leche)
4-5 tsp white miso paste
6 bananas
400g thickened cream
1 small block of dark chocolate
Cocoa and edible flowers, to decorate

1. In a large bowl, melt the butter in a microwave. In a food processor, blitz the digestive biscuits until they’ve turned into crumbs. Pour the crumbs into the melted butter and stir until completely combined and resembles the texture of damp sand.

2. Grease a tart tin with canola spray or butter and gently press the biscuit and butter mixture into the tin to create the tart base. Put in the fridge for at least 30 minutes to firm up.

3. In another bowl combine the caramel and miso and whisk until smooth. You can adjust with as much or as little miso as you please – but it should be nice and salty as it will be balanced out with the fresh bananas and cream. Set aside. In a separate bowl whisk cream to soft peaks and also set aside.

4. Remove tart base from the fridge and gently ease it out of the tin. Place it on the platter or cake stand of your choosing and fill with caramel until it almost reaches the rim. Roughly chop bananas into thick slices (this should be done last minute so they don’t brown) and tumble them over the caramel. Gently add large spoonfuls of cream on top. Allow to set in the fridge for at least half an hour before serving.

5. To decorate, create chocolate shavings by running a sharp knife along the edge of the block of chocolate. Dust the tart with cocoa, then scatter with chocolate shavings and finally adorn your dessert with edible flowers. If it’s a little messy when slicing, don’t worry – just dust the plates with more cocoa and decoration.

Tags: , , , , , , ,

« Older entries