Hello lovelies! How did December catch up with us so quickly? With the Christmas season amongst us I thought it only appropriate to share one of my festive recipes with you all!
Ok, ok, ok, ok, I need this, I need to feel good about myself and my life, I need to grow my paltry number of followers, I gotta make my blog big and presence known, I need influencer status, I want free stuff, I want fame by way of minimal effort, I want to flourish online not offline, I want to feel adored for all that I choose to share, I need this, I need this…
How many times have you been sweating in the kitchen preparing Christmas lunch for your family and friends? Cheese platter to arrange? Prawns to buy and ham to glaze? Dressing a pavlova for dessert? It’s so hard, and not everybody can cook with the efficiency of Curtis Stone!
Am I sounding like a relatable housewife enough?? Cooking-is-hard-but-I-totally-get-it-here’s-a-fun-and-simple-solution? I am here to help these plebs with my amazing food. Bow down, peasants. The world needs this content and the world needs me. The algorithm can’t stop me, NOTHING can stop me.
I’ve come up with an amazing, time-saving recipe incorporating all the things we love about Christmas – it’s a fabulous 3-in-1 assembly-only dish using readily available products from the nearest supermarket. Easy to prepare with a real, rustic flair. An absolute celebration of the greatest time of year. Yummy!
I am awesome, this is totally happening, they are going to throw so many free stand mixers at me for this. Airlines will be all over my dick. Guest spots, magazine features, book deals. I’ll have more #spon opportunities and free dinners than ANYBODY ahahahah ahhhhh I’m going to be tagging the shit out of big brands for big coin the moment I hit ‘publish’. My new life begins now.
Christmas Celebration Pavlova AKA Prawn Pavlova
2x pavlova bases
2x 600ml cream
Thousand Island dressing
200g shaved ham
1/2 kilo prawns, cooked and unpeeled
1 cup of cherries, stem on
400g tasty cheese, cubed
2 sticks of cabanossi
1 can passionfruit pulp
1. Whip your cream until soft peaks form. Remove half and gently fold through a few generous squirts of Thousand Island dressing to create a gorgeous ripple effect.
2. Place one pavlova base on your cake stand. In rustic spoonfuls, dollop the rippled cream around the base and into the middle.
3. Layer folded slices of shaved ham over the cream.
4. Add the other pavlova base and layer the remaining half of the cream.
5. In generous handfuls, adorn the cake with your prawns. The more antennae, the better! Then add the cherries – their long stems mimic the peachy prawn antennae and intertwine like gorgeous branches – followed by the cubes of cheese.
6. In a squishy flourish, dress the prawns with more Thousand Island dressing. Gently push a long cabanossi stick into the pavlova base, then drizzle over passionfruit pulp with a teaspoon.
Oh fuck oh shit oh jeez it’s toppling over oh no it’s all falling nnNNNNOOOOOO
7. Candy canes! Throw them at the pavlova. From a distance, I don’t care. Same with any other festive candy you have in the cupboard, like these Lindt balls. Yes, so shiny.
Thank goodness, it’s festive again. I’m a genius ha ha ha ha oh noo it’s still crumbling ahhHHH SHIII-
8. Take a, uhh, big stick of uncut cheese and just really shove it in there. ADD MORE CABANOSSI BECAUSE IT’S RED, RED FOR CHRISTMAS.
It’s still good, it’s still good, it’s still good: you are NOT a failure, you are popular and likeable with ‘grammable content, you are popular and likeable with ‘grammable content…
9. Sprinkle with icing sugar! It’s snowing! I know we live in Australia but make it SNOW because IT’S WHAT THEY DO IN THE MAGAZINES
10. Let the disgusting cavity of the thing consume you and allow the social media likes, no matter how feeble, fuel you for yet another day. Uh, I mean…
10. Spoon generous serves in lovely bowls for all your guests to enjoy ensuring there’s a bit of everything in each portion.
I am sick. I need help.
If you enjoy the recipe, don’t forget to like and share! You can also check out my Instagram video for this post!
I HATE MY LIFE, I DON’T WANT TO BE A NOBODY ANYMORE