Extreme Milkshakes

Extreme milkshakes. The well-garnished milky beverage game of Sydney has reached peaked virality. Donuts perched upon mason jars, Kit-Kats wedged like an unholy crucifix: doused in chocolate sauce knotted with lashings of whipped cream, a striped straw puncturing everything in its path, impaling every adornment. Heavy handled jars of flavoured milk are spewing from so many cafes in pure copycat style, each establishment attempting to outdo the last, to outplay the originals who rightly hold the claim to fame. Freddo Frogs drowning in salted caramel milk, achingly slow, their faces submerged with that deranged smile like something out of a horror film, ganache is oozing from its enormous lip, pretzels, M&Ms and 100′s and 1000′s tacked on just for show. And the Oreos, my god the Oreos, they’re everywhere, and everyone’s got one, and everyone’s holding one of these extreme milkshakes, gnashing at food for the sake of social media, exchanging calories for notifications, it’s 8 o’clock in the morning and everybody’s drinking them to avoid the hour long lines from the brunching hour onwards to attain the Thing. The cult. The cult of Extreme Milkshakes. It’s here and we’re all trapped in a vortex of milk and Nutella and garnishes the moment we open Instagram.

But, if you can’t beat them, join them. Here are three flavours of my own: S’Mores Chicken, Bacon Burger and Coles Baked Fresh Today Bakery Aisle. Be inspired. Eat marshmallows and chicken. Milkshake flavours are irrelevant now, the duty falls upon whatever lies on top. May God have mercy on us all.

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  1. Ramen Raff’s avatar

    Hahahaha the parody!! This is awesome. Love your work buddy!


  2. Rita (mademoiselle délicieuse)’s avatar

    *applause* Apart from hitting the nail right on its head, I love how your monstrous creations are practically defing gravity!


  3. Sheridan’s avatar

    Alana, when they said use your powers for good not evil, I don’t think they meant this.

    You almost made a whole chicken perched atop a mason jar look good. I am horrified. Mostly with myself.


  4. Phuoc'n Delicious’s avatar

    Love your work Alana. Build them higher! To the heavens!!!!!


  5. Emma Nicolls’s avatar

    Amazing! I love this so much.


  6. Steph’s avatar

    You had me at whole roasted chicken <3


  7. Clare’s avatar

    This post is amazing. Amazing and hilarious. PS. I was dining at Shenken, Erskineville once and saw an award with your name on it. Was it truly you, or an imposter?


  8. Michelle @ Hummingbird High’s avatar

    Oh. My. God. You are a crazy culinary genius, you.


  9. Bianca@forfoodssake’s avatar

    Bahahahaha – I’d totally go the cheeseburger shake. Nailed it Alana :)


  10. Luisa Brimble’s avatar

    May God have mercy on us all!!!!! It’s freakin incredible Alana Dimou!


  11. Katherine’s avatar

    Oh dear lord. You outdid the masses. Awesome post.


  12. Claudia | The Brick Kitchen’s avatar

    OMG this is amazing!! Every time I scroll through instagram I am hit with at least 3 versions of the nutella-donut jar milkshake, dripping and oozing. And you got a chicken on top of a jar AND made it look good?? SO impressed. To be honest, I bet people would still line out the door to try them.


  13. Ruby’s avatar

    How did you get that burger one to even stay up? I am Enjoying how you are able to parody food trends like this so eloquently you food magical food wizard! And the levels of confusion and outrage you can generate. LOVE YOUR WORK.


  14. Iron Chef Shellie’s avatar

    I’ve been meaning to comment on this for ages. I FREAKING LOVE YOUR WORK!! tooo too funny!! x


  15. Monique | WritingMonique’s avatar

    Oh wow! These look incredible, and so delicious! I just keep staring at these photos!



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